influences

i was, at first, very apprehensive about creating a blog. there are several reasons why. before i go on, please note that i do not relate to the main character of the catcher in the rye. that is not the reason i'm not using the caps key.

it's merely because i'm lazy and it doesn't matter.

why was i apprehensive about the blog? because i truly am an introvert.

no one believes me, but i am. also, because i know that a very mixed audience may read this. the problem here is that i have no secrets, and no shame - really. but do i want to deal with the consequences of everyone knowing all my business just because i have the mouth of the south?

so, the title: influences. where is she going with this?

we are like sponges, aren't we? i once had a sunday school teacher, a man who has since died, who put a VHS (VHS, i know, right?) into the VCR and went on to say that our mind was the VCR and we choose the tapes that go in.

well, whew -- a whole lotta tapes go through my head everyday. about a million of them. i want to cut down on which ones i put in. i want to only put in the ones that matter. the bible. my husband's thoughts. carly's questions. NOT unwelcomed "advice." NOT comparing myself to others. i do NOT desire to put fillers into my precious time and brain. i need to start choosing my battles better, so to say.

my influence for starting a blog was probably jessi. i'd never read one before hers a few months ago. what a wonderful, God-fearing gal. oh, and another influence was that tersely-spoken ex-mormon lady who makes a killin' off her blog.

my influence for using some gigabytes er whatever as a tell-all, unabashed, unfiltered rant for me was a multi-genre artist named DJ Spooky. There he is, that neat fella.

I heard him speak once about how people are always starved for a canvas to write their story on. you know-- a soapbox. a listener...someone to know them...a confidant...a friend.

no one wants a listener who will reject them. no one desires a canvas that rejects their most whole-hearted art. who wants a confidant that says, ''sorry, what'd you say?"

for a whole lot of my life, i've tried to make a person this confidant. mostly boys, sometimes friends. but news, friends, if you don't already know: there's no one like jesus. funny how everything, i mean everything, eventually leads to the original redemption story. funny how life is so complicated yet so, so simple. we are needy. God knows this and has the supply for us.

and so, that is basically why i was apprehensive about starting a blog. maybe i wouldn't be understood or listened to. but if you don't like it, you don't have to let me know. and if you get a phone call and X out my blog, well hey -- no worries! and if i live out loud on this canvas, then maybe, just maybe...i'll start to notice what my influences are by my writing. and my secrets won't be secrets anymore. i will have journaled what i put into my VCR (haha, who has a VCR anyway?).

i got into trouble in college for always relating everything to jesus in my assignments. i even got an "F" on a paper in J-school from a guy who hated christians, so i dropped the class and got a big, ugly mark on my transcript for it. but i'm not bitter at him. i felt like i stood up for the Lord, and i am proud of myself.

so, influences. they are what shapes us. one of my biggest influences of my life has been the unanimous opinion that "jill, you are so random." therefore, maybe i'm hard to be understood. why should i have a blog if no one relates to me?

so...my babies' influences:
today, i've been thinking about resources a lot. what resources do i want to influence my precious girls? currently, carly watches barney (ugh) and sesame street. i limit the TV, but geez, sometimes i just need the thing on so i can cook. we also go to the park a lot and wonder as we wander, she helps me cook, and we practice her letters and colors and stuff. we also dance (passionately). but in the future...what other influences do i want carly to have?

our choices are far more strong and long-enduring than our influences. in two months or less, carson & i have to make a big choice. carson's graduating college, our lease is ending, and we will both be looking for jobs. certainly, our influences will affect our choices as to where we will move, and we want to make the best long-term decision for our collective family.

that's why we are seriously considering moving back to the myrtle beach area. and no, we don't currently have jobs there. so, why? family support with babies, home court advantage for both of us, mucho networking capability, a genuine joy and desire to be there, and a big reason: amazing Christian friends we have there. there are more reasons, but i (probably) have ADD and i can't remember them.

well, this is probably enough of random jill on her online canvas for you!

please know that tonight, my most inspiring influence was my 3pm 2-pump, tall, black and white, extra hot mocha from s*bux. something had to sustain me at the park. plus, i had a gift card!

Mmmmmm......



well, ta ta for now.

i hope and pray you are blessed, friends.